After a mental dilemma and crying for a while, I have decided not to communicate with him. But life presented a chance coincidently. Fucking coincidence. I hate nothing like I hate coincidences, but it's like keep happening. Anyway, I cried myself to sleep but I got a call from him nearby at 12:30am. He was nearby so he gave me a call for a smoke up. I went. We talked about why he was nearby and not getting a place to smoke up. just that. whenever we are together, I miss laughs, looking at one another and smiling, showing me that you actually care, I am not saying that fall for me but a little care wouldn't hurt. I am missing that desire with him. That's makes me the same vulnerable as I was before.
I am glad that we had that conversation. He said you can't give someone something that you don't have. He said he does not want to care or be light-hearted about me. Nothing is sexier than a person who knows what does he/she wants & I respect his choices. After 2 mins of mental chaos in my mind and silence in the car, I had decided to wish him a Good night.
We didn't think about the future, what if the situation presents something, I am not sure how to react to that. Let's just say that I am so emotionally fucked up that I can't see what is in front of me.
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