this is another night of me when i cant go to sleep. i just stare to the fan or listinging all the voices who is all over me.

this is fucking crazy, i feel like i am going crazy every single fucking day. 

if i talk to someone about my things, they'll say that, we understand and it all will pass away. are you? are you able to undertand what i am feeling right now? or every day or every minute?

trust me honey you dont at all, you are not even nearby me.

LOVE

what a beautiful word!

word itself gives you hope.

i'm sure you all have felt broken heart but this is 1000 fucking brokrn mind every single day! i know its hard to understand. now imagine how am i living with it?

i had one too, LOVE ofcourse!

and HOPE as well.

everything was perfect!

WE actully had it ALL

grades are fine, sex is crazy, chamistry is mind blowing. smile automatically comes to you when you see your person, even he's 200mt away. you can understand inbetween talks, which you are not saying but still other person is able to undertand easily. when you eagerly wait for him to come to home, to you. you plans dinner dates, sunrice trek, movie night, cooking plans, tomorrows schedule, shopping details, family drama, promotion news. when you tired af with the world and you came to your person, melt into his arms and you forget whole word. wake up with him everyday and you fell for him every single day. kiss goodbye is the ritual, hugs are many. his smell drives you crazy. when he is there whole world gets kinda blur, 15 min power nep is feel like a night and a night is feel like 15 mins.

you are incanely crazy about eachother. and you actully wonder that why everythong is fine with my relationship? why we are not fighting like our parents? why other person is not being just right amount of perfect to you?

but something is not right in eyes of god, or he/she will not be able to see that much happiness for single person, two persons actually!

one fine day, when everyone is working, both of you working together, not together together but diffrently together. out of the blue one person gets heart attech and dr said that its too late. just in half hour your life falls apart. there is no US anymore. you are frequently having panic and anxiety attach and all you just hope into mirecal to happen. you dont know what why how when where but he'll show up. he will finds you, no matter where you are right now.

 HOPE is a fatherfucking dog word1

half part of your mind is saying that he will comw to you, dont loose hope! and half of your mind says that dont mek fool of your self, miracle is not gonna happen, he will not find you, he will not come again. you just have to accept that and move on. and you ask your self that my worls is already in pieces, what am i doing in here? why the fuck am i alive? why not me? why only him? why we didnt died together? how bad did you fucked up in last birth, that you still paying fot that?

even if its one and some month and you are still feeling that same, the way you felt at 5th December,2020. 

life is stupid

this world is even more stupid

& NOTHING IS MEAKING SENCE

I AM FEELING THAT EVERY FUCKING DAY AND LIVING WITH IT EVERY FUCKING MINUTE! THIS LIFE IS MISRABLE. ANY LIFE INWHICH HE'S NOT INVOLED IS A WESTE LIFE.