04 February, 2022

breakdown

things are changing, I am not sure in which direction.

I am thinking about other boys, I am actually seeing boys at the street. 

I am having dreams about sex many times


it all messed up in my mind, my mind is a really fucked up place.

something has happened with the bowl that sanyog gifed me. it became chipped, nobody knows how. it's moving in an odd direction. first, I didn't feel anything. then feelings came in a bundle and I cried for 1 and a half hours on the terrace. I am already missing him so much, every fucking day and fucking minute. I already feel that sanyog is slipping away from me. now my favourite bowl has Brocken, I am not sure how my feeling is bumping and jumping or even becoming numb.

I feel devastated, I am mismutherfuckingrable.

fuccccccvcccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk you god, if you are there as people say.

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