Dreams

 It's 2:20am. I just stop crying. I called my sister at 2 o'clock before that I don't remember how long I've been crying. Everyone around me wakes up and make me calm but I was so in the zone that nothing makes me feel okay.

I had a dream, all of a sudden giant group of dogs came out of nowhere. According to elders, they are our near dear dead people, they came in for life for a while. To do what!? I don't know. It was a glitch in god's system. Or something like that. In that dream I saw my dadi, one of my bhabhi's father, somebody else's near dear. Dead people, alive people. Some of are dead people as dead and some of are alive as dead. 

Thing are coming in waves, Very weird things are happens to dogs some times they are dancing something they are horney, some of them are having sex, some of are just running, some of are meeting people, some of are visiting house by House. Dogs come to you and you just understand your person, I don't know how they figure it out. 

I am myself there, don't understand what is happening there. There is some family member of mine makes me understand what is going on. I was just visiting and found myself with my parents and my sisters, nisha said something about Sima's son I am not be able to understand who is dead between us. Am I dead in here? Or My sisters? or my parents? I was still not be able to understand that and inbetween I started crying. I don't understand was it a real cry or dream cry, all I remembered was I am crying, inbetween I open my eyes saw my roommates sleeping next to mine but I was not be able to understand that and close my eyes and kept on crying. After moments or so my roommates were awake and trying to makes me calm. Now I am realising that it was a dream but I can't control myself on crying. Everything was numb, my mind is in my dream place only. You can say physically I was here but mentally or spiritually I was there.

After I understand the reality, I gave call to my sister and ask her how she is. It was 2 o'clock in the night.

This happens to me before as well, when I lived in Udaipur with Sanyog. We both had a long day, we fell asleep early and near by same time I started crying, crying that much that Sanyog had to wakes me up from my dreams and I hugged him and cried, for almost the same amount of time.

It feels like an episode, that happens to me every year or in every 2 year. Both was impossible to forget. 

Now I'm scared of dreams. It's 3 o'clock night but I am scared of having same kind of stupid dreams. I'm scared to life, I am scared to losing my people. I want to die. I want to go where Sanyog is.