Everyone is saying that whatever happens, happens for good reason. So I imagine every possible situation for you to be not with us. & I did not come out with any possible good scenario. You are not here with us is a huge loss that we can not fill. It is a black hall size of hall in life that can not fill with anything. You are irreplaceable. I am tired of people saying that everything happens for a good reason. They are not carrying my weight. They don’t know when you are just sitting or sleeping or doing your own thing and there is a huge wave in the heart and that’s lots of heart ache. You can't move for a while, you have to wait while pain is going through your heart. Once I thought to go out and check-up with the doctor but now I am like what the hell-you don’t want  to live and if this pain is the reason for me to die than pain is most welcomed in here. There is more room for pain nowadays. I feel like everything is wrong, all the literature is wrong, there is no god, not energy. I don’t have a belief in anything except humanity because I can see humanity and can't see god. Also its not giving me pain to tell the god ‘fuck you’.